Well, 2005 is done. For me, it definately had its highs and lows. The two main highs would be me graduating, a point in my life that I didn't think would come, but it did. The whole summer I worked out and went up north with my family do Duluth. I kept looking forward to Europe, my 2nd high of the year. What a trip that was. I will remember that trip with my mom the rest of my life. Incredible. Anyways, since then, although I've had a job, and family is well, I've been worrying a lot lately, and more just stressing out. Typical feelings for a teenager before starting college; at the end of January. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for one thing, getting the NROTC scholarship. When I think about it, getting it has been good and bad for me. Decisions, decisions; do the program or not do the program. Do different life paths. I'm still going to the University of St.Thomas, which is an awesome school, academically and athletically. But I can't stop thinking about what I want to do with my life. Getting this scholarship has forced me to rethink my value's and beliefs and interests. For those of you not familiar with the scholarship, it would mean I would have to go cross town to the U of M, like 4 miles away, to the NROTC center, a couple times a week. Not sure if this would interfere with sports, like track and football. I would go on 4 week cruises on a ship during the summers of my college years, starting in 2007. Parents are leaning towards both sides, mom with me doing it, and dad with my not doing it. I just want a sense of direction. All these years I've been dreaming, dreaming big. Now to apply these dreams. Usuallyl you enter college with a vague sense of what you want to major in or have for a career, but most students change several times during their college years. For me, I almost feel I would have to justify with a really good career to not do the NROTC. But that program is only for certain people. Some do it for the benefits, like having it pay for all of college, or for just something to do. Most its for a sense of duty to their country, which I don't have, with our president and all. The time commitment involved would be 4-5 years active at least after college, which I'm not too keen on doing. I'm not sure what I would be doing it for, other than getting leadership skills. I think I keep thinking about is my thoughts on being a teacher. My dad is a teacher, a darn good one at that, and I think I would be a good fit as a teacher, because I like the feeling of teaching and helping others, especially if its something you know a lot about, and enjoy. Doing the program I basically wouldn't be able to get a Masters Degree is something. Well I could, but I wouldn't get it until I was about 30. I would have 4 years of reserve duty after active, which I've been told I wouldn't have to do anything, like do a 1 weekend a month thing or something like that. I wouldn't have to go anywhere; they would just have my name on file, and call me up if they needed me, but they usually don't call men up. But with the politial climate seemingly to heat up in the future, with Syria, North Korea, and Iran all doing something to piss off our government. I don't want to be the wuss or iron-headed one just because of something that might or might not happen, but its a very real possibility, and I don't want to be a part of it. I see these Marines die everyday on television and in the newspapers. Of course, The Navy is different, and safer, but terrorists are thinking of new ways to attack. Why can't we just have peace? If only I haden't of got this scholarship in the first place. I would have been able to concentrate on my first semester of college, and that would have been that. But getting this has screwed up everything. Its driving me crazy. If they would have accepted me the first time around, things would have been different, and I probably would have done the program. I just want to make my parents happy, and also pursue something I'm 100% fully committed to. I want to explore my options. After signing on after that first year in the NROTC program, I'm in, and can't get out, unless we reimburse them for whatever they payed for. St.Thomas is expensive, but I got enough scholarship money. I worked for it. I took the ACT 3 times, and got a 28. I want to be successful and happy at whatever I do. I feel immense wait on my shoulders. When I start that first semester, the journey begins. To live life is to change the world, or to change a person. Some rambling yes, but it needed to get out. Everything will be alright. Woop de woop smooP!!!
Hope you all had a nice New Year's, and wish you all a prosperous 2006. Keep having fun! And listen to Coldplay.
